Smokey the Magnificent

Failing the Turing Test since 1986


To the midwife today, to continue my long-standing hobby of startling medical professionals with the lowness of my blood pressure. Despite a brisk walk from the river (the birth centre really needs more parking), I had a diastolic of 40 this morning. For those unfamiliar with medical terminology, 40 is basically zero and means my heart isn’t even trying.

My midwife, impressed, tactfully informed me I suck at pregnancy. Kinda knew that already, but at least she said it nicely – apparently I have a “delicate system” that “doesn’t adapt well” to the strain of gestation. I have ample hips and linebacker shoulders; being called delicate is gratifying regardless of context. But still.

In happier news, since finding out the baby is a boy I’ve been inspired to start sewing. Current haul is one tiny tweed waistcoat, one tiny tweed hat to match, one tiny velvet waistcoat and two cut-out-but-not-yet-sewn onesies. And today after my midwife appointment I dragged my 90/40 self around three fabric shops and came out with a billion snap fasteners, two lots of ribbing, a pleasing grey remnant with which to make yet another tiny waistcoat, some pale brown poplin out of which to construct a hasty drawstring maternity skirt, pale green velour for a onesie and some remarkably cheap white fake fur, because why bother having a son if you can’t dress him up as the Abominable Snowman? Such fun. I’d forgotten what tiny quantities of fabric newborn clothes need; it feels terribly frugal.

Also? I made tweedy hats for the Big Pigs as well.


  1. Trish

    I think you also have body dysmorphia… ample hips … line backer shoulders … pfffft. Teeny teeny tiny. Very cool hats though! I am supposed to be making waistcoats, but it is just too hot.

  2. Krissy

    The pictures I’ve seen of you don’t indicate ample hips or linebacker shoulders unless someone is comparing you with say, a dwarf. I haven’t met you in person, but you seem fairly dainty from what you put out into the ether.

    Yay baby! Those hats are super cute. How is home school stuff going? You don’t write as much any more. 🙂 Or at least not where I see it since I stopped MDC stalking you.

  3. smokering

    Heh. No, it’s true about the shoulders, I assure you. I walked into a dress shop once and the lady gave me a dubious look and said, out of nowhere, “You have very wide shoulders, don’t you?” Which is not the way to win loyal customers.

    I know, I’ve been terribly slack about blogging. And cooking. And sewing. And cleaning. And life. Pregnancy blahness. I’ve read a lot of books horizontally, though. And we’re studying the ancient Mayans, who I’m going to go on record as saying were *not* Nice People.

    How about you?