Smokey the Magnificent

Failing the Turing Test since 1986

An Incident I Regret

Recently I made myself a chai latte. I am fond of chai lattes. They make my non-tea-and-coffee-drinking self feel like a grownup at cafes which don’t serve iced chocolates. And this particular chai latte was made from some incredibly delicious chai latte mix I got at the Food Show. It is a sweet, spicy, creamy nectar of the gods, and simple enough to make in the dark.

This proved to be regrettable.

You see, I had invited my mother and sister over for dinner, and, seeking a bit of light and airy escapism, we were watching The Shawshank Redemption. This is a long movie. So when the urge for a chai latte overcame me, I refrained from pausing the movie out of respect for my mother’s bedtime and quietly sneaked around the kitchen.

The latte was delicious. I slurped it happily to soothing scenes of prison violence – out of a soup spoon, because there was froth and I am a pig. (Seriously though, it’s by far the best way to drink milk-froth.)

Seven-eighths of the way through (the latte, not the movie) I schlped another spoonful. My lips met a sort of congealed, slimy mass. “Ew”, I thought, “the milk skin’s gone all oobly”.  I tipped it back in and had a couple more spoonfuls. I met it again. Off-put, I put down the mug and continued watching.

Then a slight niggle of doubt began to creep into my mind. I wondered how milk-skin could survive the intense frothing process a chai latte requires. Some time later, I remembered that the milk-frother is kept on a windowsill regrettably prone to slugfestations. Shortly after that I remembered actually finding a slug on the milk-frother a few weeks ago.

The movie ended. I tipped the rest of my chai latte into the sink and viewed the dregs. And for some time afterwards my mood could best be described as pensive.

  1. Baggins

    You didn’t say anything. I’m impressed. Also, I want to hurl.

  2. smokering

    Aren’t you glad you didn’t accept a chai latte, despite my repeated and strong attempts to give you one because they are So Nice?

    Also, and this may not be the most politic occasion to bring this up, but were you free tomorrow night for dinner and a movie or not? :p

  3. Trish

    Aw. Or do I mean Ew? I thought I found a cockroach in one of our meals once. It wasn’t, but it gave me an interesting interlude while I figured that out. Was it a tiger slug at all? That would maybe have made the situation a tiny bit more bearable were I in your shoes, because they are quite pretty. Perhaps a small miner’s lamp on a headband might save you some future anguish. I don’t know where you can buy small miner’s lamps on headbands. And I know you weren’t asking me, but I am not free tomorrow night, and no thank-you, I wouldn’t like a chai latte, but thank-you all the same – even though you didn’t ask. Again. But it’s fine. No, really. We can’t all be, and some of us aren’t. But we somehow trundle on.

  4. smokering

    Actually, we *have* a small miner’s lamp on a headband. It’s Bnonn’s. Dunno where he got it, but it’s immensely bright and looks ridiculous. He wears it while hunting possums, and there’s a blinky setting, so if you repeatedly fail to shoot the possum (as sometimes happens to Bnonn) you can turn on the blinks and try to kill it via epileptic seizure. I doubt that would work on slugs, though.

    We do get tiger slugs round here. But I honestly didn’t feel inclined to inspect its markings. It was covered in a thin film of milk.

    As for dinner, *actually* I was thinking about having another girls’ night this Saturday, or possibly the next one after that. Wanna come? (Only now, of course, you’ll Never Know whether I would have invited you anyway or whether you guilt-tripped me into it, so enjoy those sleepless nights.)

  5. Trish

    Ooooh. Possibly. Also, I’m not proud and I will still get to eat your yummy things, so either way, result! 🙂 Did I miss the boat? Was it last night or will it be next week? I have a chair to pick up over there, you see, so I am trying to work out when to do that, and next Saturday is a possibility. I look forward to seeing you in my inbox soon.

  6. Smokering

    Actually it might be the Saturday after *that* now, because of a potential birthday party in the offing (not mine). I will Let You Know.

  7. Krissy

    Now I feel wobbly in my belly. Mmmmm. Tasty.

  8. Ryan

    On my first date I impressed a girl by eating the leftover popcorn the other moviegoers left.

    When I sipped someone’s soda I suddenly spit it out screaming that it was hot. Why would someone put hot sauce in a cup at a movie theatre? I cried.

    Months later I realised what it was.

    Chew….