- When I was in high school, for the four months that I was in high school, I took a Typing elective. This was only the second year my school had had a high school class: it was initially a primary school and when the class above me got to Form Three age, they instituted a Form Three and the next year a Form Four and so on, until the oldest class had graduated. All three of them. My class was the second Form Three the school had ever had, and they hadn’t yet figured out the kinks of, like… education. So our Typing elective consisted of Mavis Beacon on a bunch of enormous clunky computers. The scarring part? The computers didn’t have enough memory or graphics card ability or whatever it is they need (that Typing class was as far as I got in computer studies) to render colours effectively. So instead of being tastefully African-American in skin tone, Mavis was purple. Bright purple. I’m pretty sure this is why I didn’t learn to type for another three years.
- When I was of a relatively tender age, I was in an antique shop perusing a cabinet full of smeggy old brooches and necklaces. My sister, who has evil and sadistic tendencies, hissed at me “Look up”. And I did. And there was an enormous moosehead directly above me…. looming. I would pinpoint the origin of my moosehead phobia on this day, but I think there was a moosehead at Uncle John and Aunty Betty’s house on the landing when I was even smaller, and I had to creep past it in terror at night to get to bed. And there was another incident at a museum one time with a stuffed elephant that didn’t help either. And another one at school camp with a case full of mounted insects and a stuffed shark. And that time at Te Papa with the reconstructed moa. The point is, I have had a remarkably troubled youth.
- I mispronounced sachet as “satchet” for years, and for further years after that thought a satchet was still a thing, although it turned out I was thinking of satchels. Which are sort of similar to sachets, kind of.
- Free Willy.
- Seeing Mandy Patinkin in Dead Like Me, twenty-off years on from when he was in The Princess Bride.
- Childbirth. ‘Orrible.
- Being called a brunette for the first time, after having thought of myself (although with decreasing justification as the years rolled by) as a blonde. Even after two years of hennaing I occasionally identify as blonde and then get a fright when I look in the mirror. Sometimes I get a fright for other reasons, of course. I had a large dab of tinted moisturiser on my nose the other day that I’d forgotten to rub in, and spotted it after I had been entertaining guests for half an hour. They were kind enough not to comment, but haven’t been back.
- Your face.
January 16th, 2010
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4 Responses to “Things That Have Scarred Me”
Point 2: That was Uncle John and Aunty Lily. Aunty Betty lives in Oregon. Just so you know. Both Uncle John and Aunty Lily have since Passed Away.
Lily. That’s it. Clearly her moosehead made more of an impression, poor aunt. I wonder if it lives on?
Wasn’t Mavis purple at home? I’m sure she was, because I remember seeing her, and I never did typing lessons at HCS…