That’s it. I am through. Enough shilly-shallying, enough meandering around the point and repeating the same formula ad nauseum. When Lana finally got around to telling Clark they needed a break, I told Helpdesk Man the same thing. A break from Smallville, that is, not Helpdesk Man; I like Helpdesk Man. But I don’t like Smallville. Mid-season 5, all the vaguely interesting elements have been rehashed to screaming point. Lex doesn’t like his father; we get it. He’s slowly turning evil; duh. Lana has doe eyes and Clark looks shifty and then angsts in private about his irritatingly holey rationale for not telling her his secret; yawn. I was thinking of inventing a drinking game based on the following buzzwords:
- A shot every time Jonathan Kent mentions How He Raised Clark
- A shot every time Lana flings herself embarrassingly at Clark, either for the purposes of making him ask her out (seasons 1-4) or tell her his secret (season 5), and another every time she pauses again while going down the stairs of the barn to let him change his mind, which he never does
- A shot every time Lex points out that he is his father’s son
- A shot every time anyone makes an ironic joke foreshadowing a) Clark’s eventual relationship with Lois, b) the Superman costume, c) Clark working at the Daily Planet or d) Clark and Lex becoming mortal enemies
- A shot every time Clark storms into Lex’s room flinging the doors wide
- A sip and a discreet cough every time someone showers in the room above the Talon
- A shot every time it becomes clear the plot of the episode is a ripoff of Buffy the Vampire Slayer
- Finishing up the bottle every time an episode does all of the above
Only trouble is, your liver would give out before the first ad break. I’m not saying the show doesn’t have some good concepts - Lex and Clark initially being friends, f’rinstance - but the writers seem determined to knock said concepts into our head repeatedly with a sledgehammer, and it is beginning to damage my calm. Plus, when the hairline on the forehead of the leading lady starts making you want to kill, you know it’s time to take a break from the show. So Helpdesk Man and I are returning to the X-Files for the time being.
I measured the small child’s waist discreetly at Bible study today, and only need to add the elastic and sew up one side to her frilly skirt. Feel v efficient. I have also gone through scads of old Suite articles to tweak keywords, add photos and perform other revenue-increasing bits of magic. Plus, this morning I got to send a fiery cease and desist letter to Associated Content, one of whose writers - a scabrous and misbegotten wench - has been ripping off my articles as well as those of a number of other Suities. It was fun. :p
Kovac Says:
