Thursday’s Mum Won’t Join the Feds

May 29th, 2009

Not strictly relevant, but it rhymes. And actually, having just watched the pilot episode of the X-Files, I am feeling somewhat more disinclined than usual to join the ranks of the FBI, so there you go.

I am happy to report that the snortlepig and I slept blissfully all last night. We’ve also discovered she gets high on baby Panadol. She laughs and spazzes around and goes all ooey, and then makes a dive for her father’s cider and takes a swig from the bottle before we can stop her. Nothing like smelling likker on your baby’s breath to make you feel like a wonderful mother. Come to think of it, that could be why she slept so well…

You know how everyone has a hard time choosing between superpowers? You know, flying, immensely cool, but on the other hand, being able to read, speak and write all the languages of the world… or telekinesis… all good things, difficult choice, etc. Well, I have a conundrum for you. Would you rather have the ability to:

A) Look spectacularly good on ID photos

or

B) be able to stop time, but only for one ten-second interval once a month?

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11 Responses to “Thursday’s Mum Won’t Join the Feds”

Grumpy Miss Marshall Says:

Absolutely the ID photos. What kind of a daft-brained question is that, even?

May 29th, 2009 at 12:57 am

Miriam Says:

Daft-brained indeed. As bad as the cheese-grater vs chainsaw one. Too obvious. What is the good of stopping for ten seconds a month?

May 29th, 2009 at 2:18 am

Kovac Says:

pfft, it’s barely a conundrum at all.
The ability to stop time of course. It may be a little on the limited side with what you can do with it, but it would still be pretty darn impressive and powerful.

And I expect that you could figure out a way to apply it in a useful way.

For example, you could function as a superhero as even stopping time for a mere 10 seconds in a fight would give you a distinct advantage.

Or you could defuse bombs. I bet an extra 10 seconds in which the bomb couldn’t react to anything you are doing would be really handy.

May 29th, 2009 at 10:20 am

smokering Says:

Yeah, I’m with Kovac on this one. I don’t use ID cards that often, and 10 seconds would give me time to grab a cloth when the snortlepig started to throw up on me… or to put her down, wash bacon fat off my hands/toss onion into a saucepan/remove sharp objects from her vicinity in order to prevent doom.

Or one could use it during the throes of an argument, in order to give one time to come up with the perfect comeback. Or when greeted by an apparent stranger in the supermarket, in order to inspect her from all angles and try to place her in some sort of context. Or when the doorbell rings at 10:41 and one is still in one’s unpresentably hideous pyjamas. Or even at work if confronted with a particularly stupid customer - having 10 seconds in which to shout “KHAAAAAN!” could be exactly the kind of mini-break one needs. Or during Trivial Pursuit… or on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire… or during laser strike… or if one was beginning to feel a little ill on a roller coaster… or if one wanted to pause a movie to see if it was really Winona Ryder underneath all that age makeup… or if one was sauntering through town and realised the elastic on one’s knickers was about to give way… or if one was in the canteen and tripped over a homeless person and sent one’s tray flying through the air… or if one simply had a horror of ageing and wanted to delay the process, be it by as little as a few seconds a month.

May 29th, 2009 at 11:06 am

AprilElf Says:

I was going to vote for stopping time even before I read your comment, smokering …

But this:
“Or even at work if confronted with a particularly stupid customer - having 10 seconds in which to shout “KHAAAAAN!” could be exactly the kind of mini-break one needs.”

YES! I think that would come in very handy. :D

May 29th, 2009 at 12:12 pm

smokering Says:

Or one could use it to get to the phone in time. Or to finish writing a sentence in your Uni exams. Or to check that you didn’t have spinach in your teeth when you saw the object of your affections approaching you in homeroom. Or to hunt for a hanky after a particularly explosive sneeze. Or to practice repeating your order in a French restaurant a few times to get the accent right. Or, of course, to make a lot of money exhibiting your power as-is on the paranormal circuit.

My sisters simply have no imagination. Then again, Miriam travels, so I suppose the ID photo thing would come up fairly often.

May 29th, 2009 at 1:48 pm

Kovac Says:

It would make magic tricks very easy to pull off.

May 29th, 2009 at 3:09 pm

Kovac Says:

What was this cheese-grater vs chainsaw question?

May 29th, 2009 at 3:10 pm

smokering Says:

Simply “Would you rather be killed with a cheese-grater or a chainsaw?” Which is surely the duh-est of questions ever to be asked; but I continue to ask it for the sheer amusement factor of the number of people who screw up their noses and say “Ooh, that’s a hard one”. Never ceases to amaze.

May 29th, 2009 at 4:13 pm

Kovac Says:

A cheese-grater death would be utterly horrible.
The only way that a chainsaw death could compare is if the wielder was to be selective about how he went about it and took his time.

He would need to carve you like a turkey D:

May 29th, 2009 at 5:16 pm

Mother Says:

All this talk of cheese-graters while my grandchild is ailing! Is she wearing enough woollies?

By the time you were her age, you were practically addicted to antibiotics and panadol. This statement has nothing to do with anything, really; I’m doing a post-long-trip-away-blether. I think I’d better go and have a cup of tea.

May 29th, 2009 at 8:27 pm

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